While the wipeout has sent me to the trough of my life, it has empowered me with new lens to discover the world in a whole new way. For those who are interested, here is the story –  

In Oct, a traffic accident on Nusa Pendia has flipped my life upside down. 

1. Human Body is Miraculous: I recalled a harsh hit straight into my face, feeling a sharp cut on my lip, distorted teeth and difficulty breathing. I was towed onto a pick-up truck and shipped immediately to the closest emergency room on the remote island. In my mind I quickly process the option – can I just never wake up again or should I fight? In split seconds I knew I had to fight. I was fortunate enough to be conscious – I informed my friend C on the island and forwarded all insurance related documents. Funny enough, I even checked all my commitments in the following 2 weeks and managed to cancel them and inform relevant people. I was then put on ambulance to the port, went on a boat ride to Bali main island, 2 hours of waiting for another ambulance, and then slowly navigate through traffic jam to finally arrive at a proper hospital after 6 hours. Miraculously, I did not feel any pain since the scene of accident. When human survival mode was triggered, adrenaline prevailed and the only thing in my mind was to stay alive.
   
   
2. 72 Hours of Waiting: Initial diagnosis included open cut across the lip extending to philtrum, maxillary bone fracture, tooth and oral bone fracture, traumatic pneumomediastinum, potential tracheal injury and pelvic fracture. I was hoping to go through the surgery myself and go home. But when I realized it was unfair to my friend and situation seemed to be pretty serious, I finally informed my family. By this time, my credit card limit was exceeded. I was half conscious, conserving most of my energy trying to breathe. Thankfully my whole family flew in next day, paid the bill (unfortunately no operation until payment is done), and have since been my biggest support.
   
   
3. The Worst Has Just Unfolded: Finally I was put under general anaesthesia and sent to operating theatre. 30mins into the operation, the thoracic surgeon discovered airway rupture – oxygen was leaking and pulse once dropped to Zero on the operating table. Surgeons had to conduct emergency procedure. My family was urgently asked to sign consent to the procedure which is of high risk of cardiac and respiratory failure (i.e. dying). They had no choice but to surrender their daughter (sister) to the hands of God. It was a 10-hour operation. I had 9 tubes attached to my body including a ventilator, and put in a negative-pressure room in ICU for 2 days.
   
   
4. Being Conscious Is the Worst: The trauma only hit me after I woke up from surgery. I discovered about the trachea rupture – I wasn’t able to breathe without assistance, swallow or speak. First week post-surgery was filled with hallucination and nightmare as a result of residual anaetshesia, extremely heavy dose of painkillers (Epidural, Sufenta and many more) and PTSD. Stubborn me decided to fast and refused food, painkiller and certain medication. There were moments when I wanted to give up or wished I could fall into coma and never waking up again. It was also when I was reminded of the unconditional love of family. I gotta fight on because they were waiting for me to go home.
   
   
5. Back to ICU Again: 3 days after surgery I suffered emphysema. Air bubbles in the airway were trapped beneath my skin and I swell like a puff fish. I struggled to breathe and were sent back to ICU. I was put under sedation and a ventilator, and went into 30 hours of sleeping. It was a period of physical pain and emotional breakdown. But it was also moment of awakening, I felt I could see the beauty of the world, the kindness in each person that was behind the veil of my ignorance and ego. I experienced an incredible sense of calmness and blessing.
   
   
6. Back to Home Kong: After 4 weeks of hospitalization, we arranged medical evacuation back to HK in hope that I would resolve the issue at home. I was then told there was serious laryngeal fracture in addition to the trachea rupture. There were less than 20 cases globally in the past 50 years; and there is no precedent in HK. It was a cold fact that hit me hard. There were only two scenarios in my mind – either there is a Lorraine that can breathe and speak again, or there is no Lorraine. Fortunate enough, I have the best ENT doctors in Hong Kong (plenty of professors and advisors) looking after me. Doctors in the end tried their very best to reconstruct my larynx, and we are hoping that some of the functions can be restored down the road. 

Here I am, still alive, despite losing the ability to breathe on my own, to swallow and to speak. Losing these functions that I took for granted made me appreciate the simple greatness of being. Not being able to speak opened my eyes to observe, hearts to feel, ears to listen, not feeling the need to react or judge. Not being able to eat makes me appreciate the gift of taste. It is only through the ordeal does one find the elixir beyond imagination. Despite all the wipe outs that hit me to the trough of my life, I was lucky to have angels that saved me from the deep end every single time. Never have I felt so loved by my family and friends. This second life was given by all the angels around me, and I’d live this new life by help more souls in this world. Here is a small start by dedicating it to a cause close to my heart – giving furry friends a second chance. For those who have been sending me love and blessings, I’d like to invite you share your kindness by supporting this cause ;)